Submissive or Slave

I frequently see the distinction between these two roles of submissive and slave getting muddied and misconstrued to the point that it is extremely difficult to see any meaningful difference between them and the labels end up being used interchangeably. I realize that labels and language change with culture, region, dialect, and person but I find it helpful to have definitive and logical distinctions between differing labels so that communication can be enhanced rather than confused.

Labels like submissive, sub, or subby can all be looked at as interchangeable because they are all based on the same word, Some may use them as differing levels or types of submissive but they are all obviously based on the submissive label. When a completely new word is introduced then it becomes important to make certain that the meaning doesn't stay the same or there is no point in having a new word. If it is merely a matter of degree of the one word then a prefix or adjective is a much more logical way of defining it.

If the two labels are to be used to define and indicate two different roles then it is important to understand the difference between them. I have heard many say that the difference is in whether or not the submissive is owned or not. This, however does not indicate a difference in the role merely a difference in the status of the individual so this can not be the defining difference between them. Some say that the difference is a matter of choice. A submissive chooses to submit and a slave doesn't. In most of the countries in the world, everyone has choice. Forced slavery is illegal and certainly can be talked about openly like it is so that can't truly be the distinction. I have heard others say that it is a matter of limits. A submissive has limits and a slave does not. This doesn't seem to hold true for the people that consider themselves a sex slave or a service slave. Also, very few people are able to give up authority for all aspects of their being to the point that they have no limits so, if there is validity in this, I would think it is much more in the reason that they are able to give up all authority. I have even heard some come soooo close to a distinction in using a desire to serve to distinguish between a true submissive and a wannabe sub. The problem here is that many of those wannabe subs will still serve there Dominant and they are submitting to the Dominants will by choice. Wanting to do this actually means that they want to serve.

All of these idea hover around the motivation of the submissive or slave and I believe that the true distinction between the roles lies within this area. The thing that all of these attempts at distinction hover around is focus. If the submissive or slave is owned, why would they choose that and why would they choose not to? If the person is choosing to submit or doing it because they are told to, what is the significant difference in there focus when it comes to a relationship? If this person chooses to relinquish ALL authority over EVERY aspect of their being or they choose to retain some semblance of autonomy over their own choices and experiences, what is the difference in focus? Since both submissive and slave are submissive in nature and action, I tend to think that the distinguishing and defining characteristic tends to lay within the answer to this question. What is their focus? One of the most telling of these attempts is actually the no limits slave as it indicates the distinction in focus quite clearly. A submissive wishes to maintain some authority and control over their experience so they are focused very clearly on what they are going to do and get out of the experience. A slave gives up all authority to another and focuses on what the Dominant wants out of the experience. They focus on another above themselves.

Basically, both roles require a person that is submissive but, as a role, the submissive is giving up authority for themselves in some limited fashion to gain the thrill of doing something that they wouldn't allow themselves to do otherwise. They gain pleasure and excitement out of transferring authority for their actions to someone else knowing that they will be told to do things that they would blame themselves for if they chose to do them on their own. This frees them from self blame and judgement and allows them to become as wild as they would like. In this format they can tell themselves that what they are doing is out of their control. But their focus is on what they get out of it.

A slave enjoys this freedom from self condemnation as well but they are primarily focused on pleasing someone else. For them, submitting to a Master gives them someone to focus their service on and that is what gives their life meaning. They are looking for someone to focus on in some or all areas of their life. In essence, this is the fundamental motivation and driving force that allows a person to become a no limits slave.

Although both roles are remarkably similar in many aspects, the truly defining feature that differentiates the people in them is in fact the focus. If you are wondering what you are and what to define yourself as, consider what you are focused on. Are you looking to have someone provide you with freedom of self responsibility or are you looking to find someone to serve and devote your life to. The answer to this question will tell you whether you are a submissive or slave. Understand that there is crossover in focus but it is the primary and driving motivation that makes the difference.

Power Exchange and BDSM

I like to watch and encourage people to find and develop relationships that benefit and suit them regardless of my own preferences and desires. On occasion I participate in a number of online discussions and forums that pertain to alternate lifestyles. It is amazing how often I see people referring to Power Exchange and TPE as a part of BDSM. It really isn't. BDSM is an acronym for Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, Sadism & Masochism. This anagram was coined in the 1990's by a group of communities that had a crossover of practices in order to combine the communities and make them stronger. While Power Exchange CAN be viewed through the perception and perspective of Dominance & Submission, it isn't ONLY that. My grandfather was always the head of his household but I cannot begin to describe his life with my grandmother as a BDSM relationship.

Power Exchange is merely a form of relationship that determines the direction and structure of decision making. In modern society a romantic relationship is supposed to be a partnership. This means that you have multiple people being responsible for decisions. Sometime the group goes in the direction of one partners choice and at other times it goes in the direction of the other partner. This is a multidirectional focus for the relationship. In a Power Exchange structure, one person makes the decisions for all parties involved and thus make for a unidirectional focus. Some tend to think that this means that other participants don't have a say and this is completely untrue. In some relationships this happens but that isn't a required, or encouraged, part of the structure. In fact, most long lasting and healthy Power Exchange relationships utilize discussion and input from all parties involved.

It is nice to have a community for people to look to for support especially when they are involved in what is considered an alternate lifestyle. That doesn't make their way the only way to practice some of the ideas that they have adopted. Unfortunately, a large percentage of the public BDSM community seem to think that they have to force everyone that has similar activities into doing things their way. This usually winds up centering around "Kink". It has always amazed me how judgmental people in an alternate, and frequently judged, lifestyle can be. How do they not see the hypocrisy in being judgmental?

I have heard many people talk about desiring a Power Exchange relationship but not enjoying pain OR bondage. In point of fact, many have no interest in ANY kind of kink, they merely desire to serve and be guided. There is a whole BDSM fetish devoted to the 1950's household (Obviously BEFORE BDSM was coined). To the best of my knowledge, the percentage of people practicing BDSM hasn't dropped from 100% in 1950 to less than 1% today. This tells me that there is a LOT more to the idea of a 1950's household than what is experienced through the confines of BDSM. Theoretically, someone could live this lifestyle without ANY kink at all. Now there's a shocking notion.

I responded to a posting in a group called Code d’ Odalisque the other day where a gentleman was expressing his joy in finding the group because he and his wife were not interested in pain and a lot of the other kinks involved in BDSM. Apparently he had found it difficult to find people to talk to and share ideas with because he didn't fit in to the kink side of things well. When they came across this idea and group, they knew immediately that they had found what they were seeking. I encouraged him to explore this new idea and vision and embrace it for what it could become for them. The fact that I desire a touch of sadomasochism in my relationship is irrelevant. The fact is, they don't and that is fine. There is a place for them and I was happy that they had found it.

All I'm trying to get at is that maybe, as a community, it is time for us to stop judging and begin encouraging. People don't have to be part of the community to deserve encouragement and support. Instead of trying to make them fit into the community, help them to find their own road. The more people learn to accept those that are different than themselves, the more freedom each of us will have to pursue our own beliefs, desires, and practices. If it is consensual, help them explore THEIR dream. As much as I enjoy some of the kinky aspects of this lifestyle, I have no wish to be DEFINED by it. I live my life the way I choose and aspects of the BDSM community fit into it but there is MUCH more to my life than that. I would love to encourage people to view their guidance through different eyes. Instead of trying to guide people into the community try using the assets of the community to guide them into an understanding of what they desire. Help them grow rather than helping them blend.

Why do People Seek Equality in Releationships

I have heard many discussions over the years on whether or not there is equality in relationships and whether or not it is needed. At first I thought that this was a valid question. Many greatly respected people had asked it or commented on it. It seemed to be of great significance so I tried finding it.

It took quite some time but I finally found that there is no such thing as equality in a relationship.....

I'm certain that this statement got some internal comments but it is true none the less. Relationships encompass a great many factors, emotions, functions, roles, and responsibilities. Given pieces of a relationship might be equal to another piece but, unless all parties involved in the relationship are clones of each other, all parties cannot be equal in all aspects and all pieces of the relationship. It is not possible. There will always be differences, and since it is a relationship, the way one person does something in relationship to others defines the relationship. The thought of equality in a relationship is and illusion. Both parties may have the same amount of to offer but the way they come together in one differentiates it from the other. They are not the same so they can't be equal but they can be of value.

Our society places so much import on being equal in a relationship that they overlook having a beneficial relationship. If a person realizes that it is impossible to be equals in a relationship then you can begin looking for someone that will benefit you in a relationship. Why get all caught up in who is making the decisions or choosing the path just so that you can make certain that you are equal. Let's face it. You are a person, the other people involved in the relationship are people. In that aspect you are equal and can never be otherwise. You can be called something other than a person but that doesn't make it so. A rose is a rose. By any other name it is still a rose. Focus on who does what best and on how you can get the greatest satisfaction out of what you are doing.

If you do not believe that your Dom/Domme or Master/Mistress is better at making decision than you are, why are you submitting to them? If you don't trust your leader to lead, why follow? If you are trying to go in one direction, why choose to have two navigators pointing in two different directions? It is not a matter of equality when it comes to a D/s or M/s relationship but rather trust and delegation. If someone is better at something than you are, let them do it. Find what your greatest value is in the relationship and do that. Looking for this actually applies to subs and slaves as well. If taking initiative is going to be detrimental to your relationship and you wish to remain in the relationship, it isn't beneficial to do things that you are not instructed to do. If this is what you desire then look to do what you have been instructed to do as good as you possibly can and this will add value to you part in the relationship. Don't worry about equality, focus on value. An apple is not equal to an orange but can be just as valuable to the right person.

Power Exchange relationships are not based on equality. They are based on direction. In a regular vanilla relationship, equal partners have two direction to follow and both are equal in weight, priority, and validity. This means that the relationship goes back and forth between two separate directions and only moves forward when both parties agree on the same direction. In a M/s relationship, only 1 person determines the direction and course that the relationship goes in. This allows for a very focused and straight path. If the dominant is good at selecting the path and keeping all parties focused on and working for this path, it can be an incredibly fulfilling process. It can eliminate the struggle and stress that comes from trying to make your path the one that is chosen and leave only the joy of working together on a unified path. In the end, don't we get involved in relationships so that we can join with another. Even vanilla relationships are about building a life together. Power Exchange relationships merely take the struggle out of it and allow a true coming together and joining of purpose. It seems to me that focusing on equality takes away from the idea of having a relationship and working together. It actually causes struggle. I tend to think that the idea of equality in a relationship is highly over rated.

The History and Application of - Cupping

Cupping has a long history and can be traced back as far as 3000 B.C. It was a technique mentioned in The Papyrus Ebers, the oldest known medical book found in Egypt. In Greece, Hippocrates used cupping as a remedy for internal disease and structural problems. In western medicine cupping was considered one of the basic skills a doctor must know up until the end of the 19th century. It is still practiced by many homeopathic health practitioners and in traditional Chinese medicine as a method of applying acupressure.

Cupping is the practice of creating a low pressure area inside a cup that is sealed against a persons skin. The difference in pressure pulls the skin into the cup and draws blood flow to the area. There are many ways to accomplish this and they involve a number of fetishes and this is why it has gained some notoriety in the BDSM community. It was first introduced into the public BDSM and Kink community as an extension to fire play. The low pressure is created in the cup by heating the air inside the cup and then placing it on the skin. When the air cools, it creates a vacuum inside the cup. The next fetish group that was draw to this practice were those connected to blood play. Blood cupping is a form of blood letting and has gained a lot of popularity with this fetish group. A small incision is made in the skin and then the cupping is done over top which draws blood up into the cup. It has reached beyond these two groups and is now quite popular with anyone interested in sensation play or marking. Cupping can leave little red marks where the cups were placed that can last several hours all the way up to deep bruising caused by repeated application to the same area.

There are far too many aspects of cupping to cover in this one post so I will be focusing on vacuum pump cupping and fire cupping. Many look at this as a completely safe activity but keep in mind that it was a medical procedure long before it became a kink and can have many negative side effects and ramifications. First and foremost is it should not be done on pregnant women without a good understanding of acupressure as it can induce labor. Adhere to SSC (Safe Sane and Consensual) Practices and utilize RACK(Risk Aware Consensual Kink) practices. Understand the risks, discuss them with your partner, and make certain it is understood and consented to.

Mechanical vacuum cupping is probably the easiest and safest to get started with even though there is specific equipment that you will need. The first thing to know before you start is how to release the pressure. Most sets have a rapid release system. Be very familiar with it. Test it on gentle settings before you move on to more extreme play. This form of cupping can create far more vacuum than other systems. In a lot of cupping sets there are a number of different sizes of cups. They can be used on different parts of the body for different effects. Some of which can be quite painful. Some cups have pressure stimulating nodes that can allow the skin to be drawn up around them so that they apply pressure to a specific point while creating a vacuum all around the center. Some of these are metal and can also be used in conjunction with electro stimulation.

Fire cupping doesn't create as much suction but is much more dramatic to watch. This one is fraught with dangers though and a firm understanding of fire play techniques, safety, and protocol is highly recommended before you try this. Make absolutely certain that all of the dangers inherent to fire have been addressed before starting this procedure.

Instead of using a vacuum pump, a vacuum is created by air (heated by fire) in a glass cup placed flush against the recipients skin. As the air cools in the cup, a vacuum forms that pulls up on the skin, stimulating the desired effect. There are several ways of heating the air in the cup with fire:

1. One can swab rubbing alcohol (70% or 90%) into the bottom of a cup, then light it and place the cup immediately against the skin. By creating the seal the immediate loss of oxygen puts the fire out, preventing the person from being burned. The smaller the amount of alcohol, and the quicker the flame is extinguished by application of the cup, the better, so long as there is no risk of the cups falling off due to lack of a proper seal.
2.  One can hold the cup inverted over a flame (e.g. a lit candle), heating the air, then place the cup immediately against the skin. Care must be taken not to heat the glass itself. Even so, the person to whom the cup is applied will feel distinctly more heat than in the previous method.
3. One can ignite a flame with a small alcohol-soaked cotton wad resting on a small pad of leather or other insulating material that rests directly on the recipient's skin, then place the cup immediately over the flame, putting out the fire. The quickness with which the flame is extinguished depends on the size and shape of the cup.

Methods 1 and 2 heat the glass to some extent and have a risk of burning the recipient if not carefully executed. Method 3 risks the cotton falling off the insulating pad onto the recipient's skin, and leaves the pad and cotton wadding inside the adhering cup which could be considered cumbersome.
Baby oil massaged onto the skin first causes a better seal to form, making it possible to use this technique with less heating of the cup. It is often possible to slide the adhered cup around on the skin, preserving the suction seal as it glides. Care must be taken not to move the cup over protruding moles, skin tags, scabs, etc. This can prove to be an interesting sensation.

The longer a cup is left on, the more of a circular mark (like a hickey) is created. The skin pores are more open, and the patient may have a feeling like sunburn.  There are, of course, more techniques and ways to apply this. Which ever way you choose to play, make certain it is as safe as it can be made and that all risks have been assessed. Surprises with fire are never a good thing.

The History and Application of - Figging

Figging is a term unknown by many outside of the BDSM community. Even inside the community it is one of the least known forms of erotic play. For those that are aware of it though, the mere mention of it in a group draws Oooohs and Aaaahs. For those of you that aren't aware of what figging is, it is the insertion of peeled ginger root into the rectum. You might ask "why would some one do that?!!!?" before you think about the kind of people you are talking about. It is an intense experience and shouldn't be discarded or negated off hand. It isn't for the faint of heart but it is unique and frequently dramatic.

Figging didn't originate in the BDSM community though. Many have linked it back to Victorian corporal punishment as documented in many forms of literature of the times. It was used to encourage the relaxation of the buttocks during caning. It actually dates back beyond that and has origin in animal training techniques. There is a phrase still used in horse racing, "in full fig" which refers to a horse that has been given some form of additional stimulation. In the current times it is referring to drugs but originally it was a practice to insert ginger root into the anus of a horse to cause it to lift it's tail and step lively. It was called feague, to feague a horse, in the late 18th century and referred to by Francis Grose in his book Grose's Classical Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue. He described it as:


Feague
To feague a horse; to put ginger up a horse’s fundament, and formerly, as it is said, a live eel, to make him lively and carry his tail well; it is said, a forfeit is incurred by any horse-dealer’s servant, who shall shew a horse without first feaguing him. Feague is used, figuratively, for encouraging or spiriting one up.

It is hard to tell where it dates back from after this however. The etymology of the word is unclear. Old Dutch had fegōn which means "to cleanse". In German, fegen means to clean but in Proto-Germanic faginōnan means "to cleanse, make beautiful" which can certainly connect with the definition of feague. Icelandic also has the word fægja which means "to polish" and that could suit as well. In any case, the current version of what we do can be related back to animal husbandry.

As with any form of sadomasochistic play safety should be considered. I would always recommend that someone in this lifestyle, and especially those doing the actions, become familiar with the philosophies of SSC (Safe Sane and Consensual) and RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink) to help in being aware of all the risks and taking preventative measures to avoid unwanted damage or repercussions. Other that someone being overly careless with the insertion process, the only real thing to be aware of is that some people do have an allergic reaction to ginger. Be certain that the person receiving this isn't.

Now down to the fundamentals. First you need the ginger root. You can send your slave out to the grocery store to pick it out. I like the emotional torture that this brings. Ginger root has a number of tubers that resemble fingers. Because of this, it is sold as a hand. The piece that is chosen for this should have e section or finger that is at lease 4 inches long. The first time this is tried, I highly recommend using fresh ginger.

To prepare the ginger, choose the finger you wish to use and cut it off of the hand. Don't cut it at the joint, however, unless they are very long. You want the cut to extend into the hand. Try to make it alt least 4 inches long. Take a paring knife or vegetable peeler and remove the brown skin. Take care to remove all of the skin and smooth out any bumps or knots. Be careful to not remove too much of the meat as it will weaken the finger. Don't rush though this. Wash the root under cold water periodically to remove any loose skin.

Now comes the tricky part. Approximately 2/3 of the way down you need to carve out a section of the finger similar to a but plug. This will give the sphincter something to hold onto and keep the finger in place. Be careful with this as you don't want to cut away too much and weaken the finger but it has to be enough to hold on to. The concave ring that you create should be at least 1/2 in wide but you don't need to go very deep. It just has to be enough to hold it in place. If you cut away too much it will break off.

Now for the play. I find that the best position is to have the slave laying on their stomach with pillows to prop their hips and butt up. I like having them bound in this position but that, of course, is optional. Do NOT use lube. It will inhibit the sensations brought on by the ginger. Use cold water to keep the finger wet and take your time.

Be patient now. Take your time and begin to slowly insert the finger into the slaves anus. Don't rush it. Wet ginger has enough lubricant if you take your time. When the anus opens and begins to accept the finger, slowly slide it in up to the ring that you created. Let the sphincter close around it. The effect of the ginger builds so you have time to do this slowly. The effects aren't instant.

When it is in place, sit back and get prepared to enjoy the show or, as was popular in the Victorian era, begin your caning. Slave can become quite vocal as the effects of the ginger grow. If the ginger is decent the burning sensation can be pretty intense. Of course perception of pain is relative and there are a few slaves that don't find it overly intense. They are few and far between though. If you find the need, or just desire, to enhance the effects, I like to spend some time squeezing the butt cheeks together.

The effects of the ginger last about 20 min and ease off fairly rapidly. One of the nicest things about this procedure is that, no matter how intense the sensations for your slave can be, you will not cause damage to your slave by doing this. This is where I mention how to add additional sensation :D. Old ginger tends to lose it's potency so you always want to buy it as fresh as possible. However, if you have any fingers of adequate size left over, put them in a sealed plastic bag and put them in the vegetable drawer of your fridge for a couple of days. Check on them and if the bag has moisture in it and a little mold on the skin you are ready for fun. If not put it back in the fridge for a couple more days. Don't worry about the mold as you will be taking all of that off. The mold is harmless and doesn't penetrate the skin.

Peel and prepare the ginger as normal but when you play the result is going to be dramatically enhanced. Make certain to discard anything that is left over at this point.

Master and slave BDSM relationship - Can there be love?

Over the years I have seen many people ask whether or not there can be love in a Master and slave BDSM relationship. Much of the old school thought is anything that can take away from the lines of authority will be detrimental to the relationship. It is this belief that causes a lot of Masters to say that love detracts from a Master and slave relationship. They believe that their capacity to love inhibits their authority. If this is their belief then it will certainly come to pass. It isn't true though. There are also a lot of Masters that just have emotional issues and use BDSM as a way to avoid dealing with them. I won't be going into this thought pattern or belief system here.

Love is an essential part of ANY healthy relationship. This goes for all BDSM relationships as well. If love is understood, and not mistaken for something that it is not, it can only be beneficial to a relationship. When you truly love someone, you want them to be happy, healthy, and secure. In a M/s relationship is is the Masters job to look for a way to accomplish this. It is the responsibility of the person in the Dominant role to see what is beneficial for the person in the submissive role. If you love them you will want the best for them. If the Master is truly dominant, they will not look to the submissive for guidance on what is beneficial. The Master will guide.

The only place that this seems to get questioned is in a Master and slave BDSM relationship. No one asks if a parent should love their child. No one would suggest that love is detrimental to a parent and child relationship and yet there is a very defined line of authority there. Animal owners are known to love and care for their animals without any detriment to the line of authority. This whole thought process comes from fear and not love. Love enhances things and fear tears them apart.

Some aspects of a deep and meaningful M/s relationship can only be achieved through love. Love is a natural feeling for all humans and it is only through closing off and walling up those feelings that we keep them at bay. If all that you want out a BDSM lifestyle is to be able to boss someone around then love doesn't really matter to the relationship. You don't allow yourself to have something more than physical and thus cannot attain it. There is MUCH more available, though, through a Master and slave BDSM relationship. There is a connection that can go far beyond the bounds of the physical. A unity in purpose, direction, path, and life that cannot be found without the defined authority structure found in this lifestyle. It doesn't matter if you call it BDSM or not and was around long before this term was coined.

In order to have this kind of spiritual and emotional unity, a great trust and bond must be built. The greater the trust, the greater the bond. If there is a defined structure of authority, which can be easily determined in this lifestyle, than it is merely the resistance against this structure that causes a lock of unity and harmony. If the submissive trusts the Master to be right, loves their Master, and loves themselves, they will not resist this authority. The more trust and love they have, the less they will resist. This extends to a depth that is inconceivable to many. It can go far beyond romantic and become devotion. It can even extend beyond devotion to become worship.

If this is understood then it is only a matter of understanding how to achieve this. If there is going to be a bond that extends beyond the physical, the walls to the emotional must be eliminated. The less impedance to emotional connection the easier and more completely it happens. Emotion is the bridge between the physical and the spiritual. Without it there is no connection. Develop the love but develop a pure love. Don't place conditions on it. Don't limit it to romance or any other physical quality. See the slave for all that they are. Only in doing that can you have all that they are. When the Master can remove all internal barriers to the slave, the slave can be taught to remove their barriers as well. The more this emotional bond is built, the greater the trust the slave has in their Master, the greater and deeper the bond will be. Love will start the journey that can then progress to devotion, and if it is desired, worship. I love my slave freely, openly, and without limit. She, in turn, listens to me, is devoted to me, and worships me. This isn't what everyone desires but it is certainly available to all that want it. Love does not hinder it but is actually fundamental to achieving it.

Using BDSM To Achieve Altered States

Throughout history man has attempted to attain altered states of consciousness through the use of intoxicants, emotional stimulus, and meditative trances. This has been a major focus in the spiritual path of many mystics and religious groups but has certainly not been limited to them. In the 60's an entire drug culture grew up around it that is still integrated into our society and belief system. Ecstasy, known as the love drug, is considered one of the most dangerous drugs threatening young people today. Man has an instinctive drive to connect to something greater than he is. I use "man" here in reference to human without gender recognition. We are all the same here and, in this, gender is insignificant.

In the late 18th century, the Marquis de Sade published a number of books showing the joys of inflicting and receiving pain. This was his obsession and greatest contribution to society. Here he began to show the transcendental states that can be attained through the use and implementation of pain. Before this, it was primarily the Monks, mystics, and religious zealots that used these techniques to bring them closer to their god. The Marquis showed that this could be used just for pleasure without any greater meaning. The term sadism is based on him and, to many, he is considered the father of sadomasochism. Justine, Philosophy in the Bedroom, and Other Writings a novella, by the Marquis de Sade, is widely considered to be a masterpiece of eighteenth-century French literature. The Marquis de Sade was not the first to use this, however, as a form of sexual and emotional pleasure. The Kama Sutra, in the 2nd century CE, told of consensual face slapping as a form of arousal. In the late 1400's, Giovanni Pico della Mirandola, wrote about a man that needed to be flogged in order to become sexually aroused and in 1886  Krafft-Ebing wrote Psychopathia Sexualis: The Case Histories (Solar Books - Solar Asylum). The book is well known for coining such terms as sadism, masochism, and fetish.  There have been a lot of references to sado-sexual pleasures throughout history.

Meditation has long been know to stimulate an altered state. This has been around as long as sex itself. In prehistoric times, man used chanting as a form of meditation. This is still being used. Meditation and religion have always been closely related. Tantra is a great example of this. Neotantra or Tantric sex was a natural evolution of this philosophy.

How does all of this relate to BDSM, Dominance and submission, or TPE relationships? It's simple really. All of this throughout the centuries has been about achieving an altered state. In the modern BDSM lifestyle subspace is a common term and many also relate to Dom or Top space. This is a floaty kind of sensation that many strive for. It satisfies that urge for an altered state of consciousness that so many seek and so few find. Unfortunately, without understanding it fully, there is the tendency to have undesirable results. Sub crash is also a well known term. If the altered state is not managed consciously and knowingly, it can easily go in an undesired direction.

If an altered state of consciousness is something that we seek to attain through BDSM then how can we achieve it safely and reduce the risk of unwanted repercussions? As the use of drugs is illegal in most places I won't discuss that in detail but, if this is the route you choose, please be careful. The dangers are tremendous. Sadomasochism is well documented and the first thing I would recommend is becoming familiar with SSC (Safe, Sane and Consensual ) and RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink). These philosophies can help to make your journey manageable and help everyone get what they desire from the adventure. Next, become knowledgeable of any form of torture or sadistic treatment you desire to give or receive. Learn from someone you trust or from books but know the dangers and risks associated with whatever you wish to do. Finally, understand the psychology of what you seek.

Subspace is frequently triggered by a sympathetic nervous system response brought on by the pain being received. This can lead to the release of epinephrine into the system and cause, what is sometimes known as, ego reduction. Freud coined the term ego to describe the conscious adult self. This reduction allows us to release our focus on the physical self, to the point where many report a reduction or elimination of the sensation of pain, and reach for something beyond or greater than themselves. A slave can become the canvas for the Masters work.

Topspace is similar but works in the opposite direction. Instead of epinephrine being released, adrenaline is poured into the system. The top becomes hyper focused on the bottom to the point that they can sense them. They have the sensation of extending beyond themselves and becoming more than the ego tells them they are.

Sadomasochism is the most common way of achieving this altered state in a BDSM relationship but there are others. When you think of what happens through giving and receiving pain you can see that the release of the chemicals is merely a trigger to what is actually sought. It is the state of being and consciousness that those chemicals help us to attain. These can also be achieved without chemical intervention. Meditation has been used longer than anything else to stimulate these states of awareness and being. Transcendental meditation has actually become it's own religion. Before that, though, was Tantra. All forms of meditation, however, rely on ritual. The BDSM lifestyle is littered with rituals that can be used to accomplish this state of being. Understand that this state of bliss and euphoria comes about through the reduction of ego. When you focus on a ritual to the point of blocking out all other awareness, you become one with the ritual and more than your sense of self. At this point, through practice, that state of being can be achieved.

There are many different alternative lifestyles out there but few have as many ways to reach Nirvana as BDSM. Many see it for just the fetish and kink aspects of it but there is so much more. The opportunity for spiritual awakening, altered awareness, total bliss and perfect harmony is everywhere you look in this lifestyle. You simply need to be willing to see beyond the surface.

What slave training means to me

I look around on sites and I see a LOT of Dominants talking about training slaves and slaves talking about unsatisfactory training by their Dominant. Some of the things I see listed as required training or things that Dominants have had their slave trained at are questionable in my opinion. How much thought goes into training your slave for golden showers. Is there a technique on being pissed on that is so complex it requires training? How do you teach a slave spanking? I have heard of slaves being trained in spanking. Is there a highly sophisticated set of procedures involved in bending over and presenting your backside to be spanked? Maybe the problem is in what people consider requires training.

I have a tendency to look at training as something of value. An education that will benefit the slave in their life or in their ability to provide value and service to their Master. I tend to begin training in the mind and heart of the slave. The hardest thing that a slave can learn is how to learn. Very few slaves, possibly because of their submissive nature, learn how to control their own thoughts, feelings, and actions. The first thing I find is needed is to teach them how to BE submissive. Our society clutters their subconscious with all sorts of conflicting teachings that leave the slave unfocused and always second guessing what they are doing. They need to be taught to recognize thoughts, beliefs, and emotions that are not beneficial to what they are trying to accomplish and then how to deal with them in a beneficial fashion. In the process of doing this, the slave and the Master learn how the slave learns and the processes that are necessary to accomplish the transformation into being a slave. When a slave is in control of the way they think and is able to give the authority for their thoughts, beliefs, and feelings to their Master, the behavioural training can begin.

In my estimation, behavioural modification is a greatly misunderstood area of BDSM training. Many look at it as changing the physical actions that are undesired. This teaches the slave to suppress the natural tendency to act out this behaviour.  That doesn't truly modify behaviour it is behaviour suppression. To modify behaviour you need to look at the reason it is happening and change that. When you change the beliefs, motivations, and reasons that lead to a behaviour, you change the behaviour. Behaviour modification starts on the outside, focuses inwards, and then changes the outward expression of these beliefs, feelings, and desires.

This part of the training is frequently a tumultuous process to say the least. There is a lot of emotional baggage and unconscious beliefs to deal with but it is the essence of where a slave is built and trained. In my experience, if a slave is trained internally first then any external expression of that training can be expressed at will. If you ask a slave to do something that they don't know how to accomplish, they will be frustrated and feel unfulfilled. This is usually why a slave will complain about inadequate training. If you teach the slave how to learn, they can learn how to do anything that they are capable of. This is the dichotomy of slavery. Through teaching them how to surrender ALL that they are to you they are freed to become the greatest grandest version of themselves.

Once they are free of their baggage and restraints, the external training can begin. This is used to accentuate and reinforce the beliefs that have been set in place through earlier training. Rituals can be developed and protocols can be learned and practised. These are the teachings and the training that the slave craves. These are the fantasy and romantic vision that they have of their life. If all of the other restraints are gone and they are taught how to build and create what they desire, these fantasies and romance can be achieved for the rest of their lives.

Free a trapped slave and have devoted one for life.

Talking trash and spanking

One of the things I love about this lifestyle is the confidence that it gives me to talk dirty. In the vanilla relationships I've had in the past, a lot of the point to talking dirty was to get my partner excited. It is all my partner so I have to try to think about what they will want to hear. I have always known that I am a narcissist and definitely no mind reader so I have always felt like I fail at this. Give me a slave and the whole game changes.

When I am talking dirty to my slave it is to enhance the effect that I am striving for in my interaction. Talking dirty is then all about what I want and I don't have to be a mind reader to know that. I have great confidence when the world revolves around me.

When I am spanking her and want her to get driven to a sexual frenzy, I simply tell her the things I am thinking of doing to her once I stop. Since she gets great pleasure from being used by me and bringing me pleasure, telling her how she is going to do that emphasizes the pleasure that she is getting from the spanking. 

When I am wanting her to be pliable, submissive, and soft, I talk to her about how she is a good girl and how pleased I am with her service to me and how much she can take for my pleasure. This combined with the spanking releases any hold she has on self desire and puts her in a very submissive state of mind. 

When I want her to work hard a pleasing me all I have to tell her is how dirty she is. I call her names while I spank her, let her know that her place is to please me, and it is easy for her to release all of her inhibitions and focus on my pleasure. 

I may not be that great at dirty talk but I know how to get what I want. Many people are insecure with this and afraid that they might not do it right or they might say the wrong thing. If a person just says what they feel, desire, or enjoy, they are on the right track. Sometimes it might not get the effect that you are shooting for so you can think of adjusting it next time. However, sometimes you just might get the result you want. Decide what effect you want and then think about what your partner would have to do or be to accentuate that effect. Try describing what you will do to enhance what you seek. Come from your personal desire without worry about your partner and see where this leads.

This Masters Sexual Muscle

Over the years I have heard many people talk about the brain being the biggest sexual organ. Usually, though, this is being referred to when talking about turning on a woman or getting her aroused. Most tend to think that this doesn't apply to men. There is a common belief that men achieve arousal through physical stimulation. Many men tend to believe this as well and that seems to add credence to this social perception. It still doesn't make it true though.

The brain is the centre for sexual arousal and fulfilment in people period. If that weren't true for men, they wouldn't be involved in BDSM. Many of the acts that are done in this lifestyle have no physical connection to sex. They are arousing but not inherently sexual. It is our brain that makes the sexual connection and then builds our desire. An example of that would be going to the walk in clinic to get a shot for rabies. The doctor or nurse stab a large needle into your abdomen 20 - 30 times. It is seldom perceived as enjoyable and I have never heard of someone being turned on by it. BDSM needle play, however, can be an incredible turn on for those doing it and receiving it. Some might even enjoy the needles to the abdomen. This is certainly a mental connection to sexuality though.

If a person understands themselves and what is truly responsible for arousing their passion, desire, and sexual drive, they can find ways to make the most of it. My biggest turn on is devotion and worship. Their is nothing that can get me hard as fast as a woman kneeling at my feet not just submitting to my will but finding value and worth in giving her entire being to me as her master and god. That, for me, is the ultimate fruition of power exchange.

Knowing that this is where my passion lies, I go to great lengths to teach my slaves how to control their thoughts, beliefs, and emotions so that they can conform them to my will. If a slave doesn't know how to be truly devoted, how can she give me absolute devotion? If a slave doesn't know how to worship, how can she give herself to me as her god.

I think that people, men especially, will benefit from learning to accept that sex is in the mind first. Explore your sexual mind. Get creative in your desire. Find connections and then learn how to accentuate them with the understanding that it is all in your mind. Who knows where this could lead. You may find a whole new world to explore.

The Truth About Total Power Exchange (TPE)

The quest for power has been part of the human experience from the beginning. We strive to have power over others. Power exchange is the logical outcome of that for a BDSM lifestyle. The problem is that the power we seek to gain from others is internal to them. We can not take the power that they have any more than they can give it away. That is a myth that is purported through so many aspects of our lives that we even have terms describing it as if it were possible. Total Power Exchange (TPE) cannot actually happen and if you shoot for this, you will either be disappointed in the results or misled on what you are receiving. In reality, power exchange is actually a matter of authority exchange.

Power, as referred to in a TPE relationship, is something that resides within the individual. Dictionary.com talks about power as an "ability to do or act". It is the "capability of doing or accomplishing something". A person can not give this away. They can, however, give away the authority to use and guide it. It is like a car that has 500 horse power. When you buy the car or drive the car, you can not take it's power. You can use it though. If you are behind the wheel and the car is running, you have the authority to use it however you see fit. There are ramifications but the car will not say no because it doesn't like what you are doing. Having a slave submit to your will gives the Dominant the authority to command the slave to do anything, within the slaves capabilities, that the slave has given consent to. Total authority exchange allows the Master to command ANYTHING within the slaves abilities and expect the slave to carry it out. It is still the slave, though, that has to carry it out. The power to fulfil the command still resides with the slave.

How then can you have complete control over a slave? The slave must give complete authority to the Master for their capabilities. The more control the slave has over their capabilities, actions, thoughts, behaviours, and beliefs, the more authority the slave is able to give to the Master. 

When TPE is looked at in this light, it becomes clear that the only way to truly accomplish it is to train the slave to have complete control over all aspect of themselves. Instead of training a slave to look to the master for control, they must look within. The Master is the guidance not the power. Training a slave to fully utilize their power gives a Master the authority to totally direct and control every aspect of a slave. Instead of seeking for Total Power Exchange, try to achieve Total Authority Exchange.

Emotional Empathy as a Master

It constantly amazes me how many men use D/s and M/s as an excuse to be emotionally inaccessible. They seem to believe that having a slave means that they don't have to deal with emotions. If they don't like them then the slave is not supposed to have them. They keep them selves emotionally distant from their slaves and refuse to help their slave to deal with the emotions that they have. It's as if, when a person becomes a slave, their emotional health and make-up no longer matter or have import. For some reason, they continue to hold this belief and then are always amazed that they can't find a good slave that will stay with them. I compare this to having a beautiful car but refusing to fuel it and then being upset that you can't drive it anywhere.

People have emotions and if you want to have a person as a slave, you need to accept the emotions that come with them. This doesn't mean that you let them run rampant and ruin your life. The trick is to train the slave how to deal with them. It is the Masters responsibility to guide the slave on their exploration and discovery of self. Showing them how to flourish within the boundaries of who they are is what being a Master is all about. In the Merriam-Webster dictionary the first definition of Master is about being a teacher or leader. Yes a Master is someone that controls workers or slaves but there is much more than that. I try not to judge others that don't see their responsibility as a Master in the same light as I do but that doesn't mean that I don't see the repercussions. Trying to have a relationship devoid of emotional responsibility is ALWAYS damaging. You can tell this by the pain involved.

If a person wants to control someone else, the first thing that they need to be able to do is to control themselves. Denying that you are doing or feeling something is not control. When an ostrich sticks it's head in the sand it is not controlling the lion that is attacking it. Denying your emotions is a form of sticking your head in the sand. You have them. Acknowledge them and then you can decide whether or not they benefit you. If they are of benefit, try to find ways to enhance and nurture them. If they are detrimental to you, try to find ways to change them and make them into something that is beneficial. Once you can do this for yourself, you will be able to help a slave take control of their emotions and make your lives what you want them to be.

There is nothing wrong with having emotions. Doms and Master need to take a good look at their own so that the emotions aren't ruling them. If the mind and logic is ruling a Master than they are capable of guiding their relationships in the way that they choose. If they let their emotions rule them the relationship will lead to abuse and pain. As a Dominant, it is incredibly important to see, understand, and empathize with your emotions as well as your slaves. Only through accepting them for what they are can you make them have worth and value to you.

What is Consensual

When it comes to BDSM, consensual is all about one person freely giving someone else the right to forcefully restrain them and, in many cases, subject them to intense sensory stimulation. In some cases, one person may even abdicate the right to make choices for them selves. The etymology of the word consensual stems from the word consensus which means in agreement. I tend to use the non standard form, consentual, in most of my writing and thoughts as it stems from the word consent. This is at the crux of all BDSM activities. The acronym BDSM combines bondage and discipline (B&D or B/D), dominance and submission (D&S or D/s), and sadism and masochism (S&M or S/M).

When the prerequisite for this kind of interaction is considered to be consent, it is hard to see where there can be a hazy area about what constitutes consent. Theoretically, if consent has not been given, BDSM interaction should not occur. This seems straight forward but the question arises over whether or not consent has been given. The line gets blurry on the idea of consensual non consent. This is where one person gives up the right to choose for themselves to another authority. Many fantasies are enacted through this idea. So how can you tell if the BDSM activity you are about to engage in is, in fact, consentual?

There are many levels of agreement, acknowledgement, and acceptance to be considered when deciding if consent has been given for the acts that are about to take place. If this interaction is about to take place between two or more individuals that have not had previous interaction in the manner and intensity of that being considered, one of the biggest steps that needs to happen is a detailed negotiation. Many people don't want to negotiate the interaction too much because they want the person receiving the actions to be surprised. Fear, anticipation, mental and emotional force, and resistance are all part of a successful interaction or scene for many. This does not mean that a detailed negotiation should be avoided, it just has to be carried out in a way that can assure consent is given for even unforeseen acts and circumstances. The art of instance or scene negotiation is beyond the scope of this post but, if requested, I can do a more detailed post on that.

If there is a history of BDSM interaction of the intensity and type being considered, parameters and limits should already be known. An opportunity to state any current limits that might not be know should be given to all involved. It is important to give an opportunity to refine parameters and limits each time. The only constant that a person can be certain of is change. Allow for this or you will find yourself involved in a scene or interaction where full consent was not knowingly or freely given. NEVER force consent. It must ALWAYS be freely given.

If consent is being considered for an extended period of time, negotiation is essential in defining the limits and extremes of the consent being given. A full understanding of how far and how long the consent is to be given for will go a long way in avoiding future misunderstanding and abuse. Spend the time filling in the details of the consent so that there is a clear understanding of where additional consent needs to be discussed.

If a person adheres to these ideas, they can be fairly secure in the knowledge that consent has been freely, and knowingly given. This lifestyle is something that is to happen between consenting adults. Make certain that ALL involved consent.

Why I seek M/s rather than Vanilla

Over the years I have had many ask me what it is about a Master/slave relationship that is so compelling for me. Many people think that it is all about the sex or having a woman do what ever you command. They see it as play and vanilla as real life. I understand this point of view as many that I see in this lifestyle live it this way. The BDSM is about fun and play. It enhances their sexual fulfilment and boosts their ego. The focus of the "dynamic" is on the physical interaction in the relationship. The slave or sub does what they are told. This can be enjoyable for a while but, from what I have witnessed, it seldom lasts a lifetime. I believe that this is where the question comes from. People perceive vanilla as the way to attain a lifelong relationship. There is a belief that a Master/slave or other form of BDSM dynamic can not truly be fulfilling and that there is more to life than this. Many tend to believe that, in order to live a rewarding and happy life, a vanilla relationship is required.
There are many holes in this thought pattern though. First and foremost is the idea that a vanilla relationship is about a lifelong commitment. The belief that vanilla is about having a life partner. Where do I begin with the flaws in this belief. First, and most obvious, is the incredible divorce rate in our present day society. If vanilla relationships were about having a life partner the divorce rate would not be as astronomical as it is.

The other main thought is that a person can't find fulfilment in a M/s or power exchange relationship. There is a strong belief, even in the BDSM community, that this leads to the denial of who and what a person is. That their personality is somehow lost through power exchange. Many believe that the slave is hollowed out and lives a meaningless and shallow existence. So many people believe that the only way to express who you are is through a vanilla relationship. This, once again, is a fallacy. If vanilla relationships encouraged a person to be who they are and express their unique personality, there would not be so much pressure to conform to the norm. Few people truly embrace individuality in others much less themselves. Vanilla relationships are great for this because they are all about forsaking things and people. If you have to forsake something then you are conforming to what someone else wishes. This is not expressing your unique individuality but rather conforming to someone else's idea of what you should be.

I have tried vanilla relationships a number of times throughout my life and have actually been married twice. I have never been able to find a comfortable fulfilling flow in them because of the lack of focus and direction in them. When both parties have an equal say, any difference in belief leads to a broken or distracted focus or direction. In order to mend this, one person has to conform to what the other believes to be the correct choice. This does not work well for me when I generally believe that what I see or perceive to be the best direction is different then what I am expected to capitulate to. If I see the validity in it or that it has just as much chance of being beneficial than I don't have too much of an issue going along with it. When I believe that it is incorrect or detrimental though, it usually turns out to be that way. I have found, over years of experience, that I see things differently than others and generally more accurately. Conforming to someone else's choices when they appear detrimental to me, is not something I have ever been able to be comfortable with.
A power exchange dynamic such as a Master/slave relationship does not have to be about giving up on unique individuality. It can actually be quite the reverse. Like having a life partner in a vanilla relationship, the hard part is finding the person that can fit with your uniqueness and vision.

The power exchange aspect of the relationship allows it to always have a unified and clear focus and direction to our lives. There is one path and one final say. We always go in the same direction. The submissive or slave MUST trust the vision, guidance, and choices of the Dominant or Master. As much as the Master must relish the thought of being in charge of the path, vision, and well being of those that follow them, the slave or submissive must relish the thought of following someone greater than themselves. They must want to find someone that can see more clearly than themselves. They must want to be moulded and guided. This is what the power exchange is and an entire life can be lived within it's parameters. There is a fulfilment that comes from embracing the true uniqueness that these personalities types express.

Spanking senseless

This lifestyle lends itself to many sadomasochistic activities. Some are forms of corporal punishment and some are just forms of torture. For many of us they are all good and I tend to enjoy both. Included with corporal punishment though is spanking and I have always found it to be different in that a different state of bliss can be achieved. With most other forms of punishment and torture, a state of, known to many as, subspace can be attained. Many subs and slaves thoroughly enjoy reaching this place. It can be very similar to a high or even altered state.

This can be attained through a good spanking as well but there is something more that I have found to be attainable. It is almost like a state of bliss. Subspace is very much about the endorphins released through the process and is, in and of itself, fulfilling for the sub or slave. Spanking can bring about a blissful state that is dependent on the devotion and desire to please within the slave for the Dominant. My slave describes it as proactive rather then reactive. She can become very submissive and malleable after a good flogging but she tends to wait for instruction to break her trance. With a good spanking, part of her trance is absolute attention to me. She becomes hyper focused on my needs and desire and seeks a way to be of service rather then waiting to be instructed to do something. I have also seen this in many other slaves and I think, even if the awareness is merely subconscious, this may be why it is such a popular form of punishment, torture, and play.

What I seek to inspire

As a consentual Master and owner of a slave, I seek to inspire her to reach beyond her current beliefs and capabilities. I seek to help her achieve more than what she believes possible on her own. This is one of the most beautiful aspects of this lifestyle. It gives a very tangible way to accomplish this. I know that the level of commitment and submission that I seek from a slave is more than what many consider possible or, sometimes, healthy but when it inspires my slave to write something like this:

The Art of Slavery: The passion of the slave: I have always admired the faith and devotion and focus I have witnessed some people to have for a chosen belief or calling. Their drive an...

it tells me that there is a purity in this extreme that can be attained.

Going to any extreme can be two edged.  It has the potential to achieve great and wonderful things but there is also an inherent tendency to do great harm. I do not support or condone the damage done to another's psyche and will always warn people venturing into this extreme that there is MORE likelihood of doing harm than benefit. This path takes a vision, discipline, patience, and a determination many do not wish to devote to it. It is not the right choice for many in this lifestyle but it has great reward for those that are willing to do what is necessary to attain it.

This post today, by my slave, describes what I wish to instil within her heart and being. It shows the dedication required from the slave in order to submit and surrender all of who they are. There is a beauty in this level of submission that I can not find elsewhere and it is what I live for.

The lady doth protest but not too much

I enjoy a lot of the interactions that come with this lifestyle. I purchased a couple of toys the other day and my slave knew that I was picking up something. She didn't know what, as I didn't have anything specific in mind, but she was excited by the idea. When she saw them for the first time I got the reaction that I desired. She was horrified :D. I have a specific paddle that I use for use in her correction and punishment. I use this because her first Master only used a paddle for that as well and she has an emotional connection to paddling. It works well. I have gotten her used to one specific paddle being set aside for a punishment tool while others are included in with the play toys. She still has an aversion to paddles but now it is specifically directed at a specific one. I thought is was about time to remove her general aversion to paddling so I bought two new ones.

She was considerably surprised and immediately began to protest. I get such a kick out of listening to a slave protest while trying to inform me that she realizes that she will enjoy it if it is my will but it isn't what she would have wanted or expected. I love those moments of panic and desperation as the world begins to crumble in a fun way. I took my time in explaining the paddles and each of their assets. One paddle was a modified ping pong paddle. It had fur on one side with tiny little spike that scratch when pressed hard enough. I had her feel the fur and enjoy it and then showed her the deceptive aspect of it. I described to her how fur can warm the skin and bring the blood to the surface to enhance the effect of paddling. The second one I bought was this beautiful long polished bubinga paddle. It is such a beautiful wood. I had her feel it and hold it while I talked about the beauty of it and the virtues of this paddle. I told her how the skin stretches without interruption or distortion with a paddle this smooth and described the warmth and glow that come from just such a paddle.

She protested more while explaining that my will would be hers :D. It was so much fun. I do enjoy savouring moment such as these.

Then we began. I knew that, if done in an escalating way, she would enjoy it. She has shown an affinity spanking so this is merely another form of that experience. By the time I was done, she was happy with my purchase and all protests had ceased. I have her wondering what I'll bring home next though :D

Hearing vs Listening

Over the years I have observed that a great many people don't make a distinction between hearing what someone is saying and listening to what someone is saying. I find that there is a very significant difference and can be valuable in understanding how this applies to a relationship.

Hearing is a passive event. Hearing is a matter of detecting sound waves and interpreting the physical effects of them as an noise that can be analyzed. This does not have to be consciously analyzed and will happen whether we think about it or not. Hearing is accomplished with the ears.

Listening is interactive. It requires focus and conscious analysis. Listening relies on hearing but happens outside of the ears. Listening relies on the ears but happens in the mind. This doesn't mean that what is listened to is comprehended but rather that the effort is made to understand and make sense of it.

I have been told by many people that they just need to "be heard" and seen a great deal of import in our society placed on "being heard". I believe that this is actually a misnomer as they are being heard. If our ears are functional and undamaged, we hear whether we choose to or not. We can, however, choose not to listen.

Thinking that hearing is the same as listening causes a great many problems in our world but no where more personal then in our relationships. If we don't listen to others involved in a relationship with us, how can we understand what their needs, motivation, drives, emotions, or thoughts are? In an M/s relationship, a Master is responsible for guiding a slave towards a goal that has been previously set. That could be ways of pleasing the Master or ways of enhancing the slaves distinct traits or personal goals. In order to accomplish this, the Master needs to know what is happening within the slaves mind, heart, and body so that a trajectory from where the slave is to attainment of the goal can be plotted. If the slave veers from the path, the Master needs to understand where the slave has veered to so that the slaves course may be corrected and they can be brought back onto the path. A Master is going to hear a slave whether or not they wish to but that won't necessarily help in guiding them back to where they need to be. Correct and effective guidance requires  Listening to the slave so that the Master can hope to understand the slaves position and present them with a correction that will help them achieve the desired goal.

As a Master, how many times have you told a slave, in great detail, what you would like them to do and then have them completely misunderstand what you asked for. This is from the slave hearing you but not listening. When they are not giving full attention to your instruction, the slave is apt to miss some words or meanings and then attempt to use their own. This leads to an inefficient use of time instructing as well as completing the given task. If the instruction was given as a course correction and heard but not listened to, the course will not be corrected and the process will have to be repeated. This happens from time to time naturally but can be dramatically minimized through understanding these concepts and working with them.

As a Master, learning the difference between hearing and listening can give dramatically better results with far less effort than randomly trying to adjust course or maintain a slave. Teaching a slave to listen rather than hear can dramatically decrease the amount of effort in guidance when they are always attempting to listen rather than just hear you. If they understand the difference and see that the Master is listening to them, they are unlikely to feel like they aren't "being heard".

Are Discipline and Punishment the same or is there a difference?

I was describing my thoughts on the differences between play, discipline, and punishment today and, while I was writing it out, thought that I would do a post and see what others out there think as well.
In my experience, the terms punishment, discipline, and play have been used

interchangeably in this lifestyle and I have come to believe that many don't understand the usefulness or distinction of them.
I believe that play is done strictly for fun. It can include some role play or scene play where the slave/sub/bottom is doing something to deserve punishment but it is strictly play and meant that way. The physical, verbal, emotional, or environmental ramifications are meant to be enjoyed.
I believe that it is the job of the Dominant to guide and educate the slave/sub and discipline and punishment are tools to accomplish this. If this isn't the motivation for the use of these tools, I believe that it is abuse and not guidance. I realize that some women want this but I don't believe that it is part of the M/s or D/s dynamic. I believe that many people call themselves Masters or Dominants to excuse the fact that they are abusive.
Discipline is meant to correct the behavior, thought pattern, or belief of a slave/sub. It is done in reaction to some form of disobedience, displeasing action/thought, or inadequate effort by the slave/sub that was not done willfully or purposefully. It was done through ignorance or accident. Here it is the Master/Dom's job to educate the slave/sub and teach them what they have done in error and what the correct path would have been thus eliminating the infraction in the future. The whole point of discipline is correction and frequently doesn't require any kind of physical reprimand or repercussions. An example of this would be if the Master/Dom asked for a tuna sandwich and the slave/sub interpreted this as a request for a tuna salad sandwich. If the slave/sub makes that sandwich with salad dressing like Miracle Whip and the Master/Dom did desire a tuna salad sandwich but only likes mayonnaise a correction is needed. The slave/sub would be mortified enough by creating displeasure in their master, as this was not intended, that discussion and clarification is all that is needed to ensure that the sandwich will me made correctly in the future. I realize that this is a very minor infraction but the idea holds. It was done without willfully or purposely attempting to displease the Dominant.
Punishment is used for when a slave/sub willfully or purposely displeases the Master/Dom. Here it isn't a matter of education, as they already new that their behavior, belief, or thought is unacceptable, it is a matter of re-education and motivation. Here the slave/sub did not consider the detrimental results of their actions to out weigh the benefit of them. This means that they must be taught that they were in error and the detrimental repercussions DO outweigh ANY benefit that they get from the action. Here the Master/Dom must find a punishment that is unpleasant enough for the slave/sub that they will never again wish to recreate this event. If the slave/sub is not dissuaded from the behavior by the mere fact tha it would displease their Dominant then additional motivation MUST be given to prevent a recurrence of this behavior in the future. As previously stated, punishment is to correct behavior, thought, action, belief. It should NEVER be pleasurable. If it is, the Master/Dom is, in fact, encouraging future episodes similar or identical to the infraction that made the punishment necessary. This being said, the Master/Dom must choose a punishment that fits the crime. If the punishment for a minor infraction is the same as a major infraction, the slave/sub loses the ability to believe that they are being treated fairly. This will inevitably lead to a lack of respect and trust in the Master/Dom which is NEVER a good thing. Respect and trust are the foundations of this lifestyle and dynamic. With proper use of discipline and punishment this can be built but if there is no distinction between them then trust and respect are eroded as the relationship becomes about play and fear rather than love and respect.