Why I seek M/s rather than Vanilla

Over the years I have had many ask me what it is about a Master/slave relationship that is so compelling for me. Many people think that it is all about the sex or having a woman do what ever you command. They see it as play and vanilla as real life. I understand this point of view as many that I see in this lifestyle live it this way. The BDSM is about fun and play. It enhances their sexual fulfilment and boosts their ego. The focus of the "dynamic" is on the physical interaction in the relationship. The slave or sub does what they are told. This can be enjoyable for a while but, from what I have witnessed, it seldom lasts a lifetime. I believe that this is where the question comes from. People perceive vanilla as the way to attain a lifelong relationship. There is a belief that a Master/slave or other form of BDSM dynamic can not truly be fulfilling and that there is more to life than this. Many tend to believe that, in order to live a rewarding and happy life, a vanilla relationship is required.
There are many holes in this thought pattern though. First and foremost is the idea that a vanilla relationship is about a lifelong commitment. The belief that vanilla is about having a life partner. Where do I begin with the flaws in this belief. First, and most obvious, is the incredible divorce rate in our present day society. If vanilla relationships were about having a life partner the divorce rate would not be as astronomical as it is.

The other main thought is that a person can't find fulfilment in a M/s or power exchange relationship. There is a strong belief, even in the BDSM community, that this leads to the denial of who and what a person is. That their personality is somehow lost through power exchange. Many believe that the slave is hollowed out and lives a meaningless and shallow existence. So many people believe that the only way to express who you are is through a vanilla relationship. This, once again, is a fallacy. If vanilla relationships encouraged a person to be who they are and express their unique personality, there would not be so much pressure to conform to the norm. Few people truly embrace individuality in others much less themselves. Vanilla relationships are great for this because they are all about forsaking things and people. If you have to forsake something then you are conforming to what someone else wishes. This is not expressing your unique individuality but rather conforming to someone else's idea of what you should be.

I have tried vanilla relationships a number of times throughout my life and have actually been married twice. I have never been able to find a comfortable fulfilling flow in them because of the lack of focus and direction in them. When both parties have an equal say, any difference in belief leads to a broken or distracted focus or direction. In order to mend this, one person has to conform to what the other believes to be the correct choice. This does not work well for me when I generally believe that what I see or perceive to be the best direction is different then what I am expected to capitulate to. If I see the validity in it or that it has just as much chance of being beneficial than I don't have too much of an issue going along with it. When I believe that it is incorrect or detrimental though, it usually turns out to be that way. I have found, over years of experience, that I see things differently than others and generally more accurately. Conforming to someone else's choices when they appear detrimental to me, is not something I have ever been able to be comfortable with.
A power exchange dynamic such as a Master/slave relationship does not have to be about giving up on unique individuality. It can actually be quite the reverse. Like having a life partner in a vanilla relationship, the hard part is finding the person that can fit with your uniqueness and vision.

The power exchange aspect of the relationship allows it to always have a unified and clear focus and direction to our lives. There is one path and one final say. We always go in the same direction. The submissive or slave MUST trust the vision, guidance, and choices of the Dominant or Master. As much as the Master must relish the thought of being in charge of the path, vision, and well being of those that follow them, the slave or submissive must relish the thought of following someone greater than themselves. They must want to find someone that can see more clearly than themselves. They must want to be moulded and guided. This is what the power exchange is and an entire life can be lived within it's parameters. There is a fulfilment that comes from embracing the true uniqueness that these personalities types express.