What is Consensual

When it comes to BDSM, consensual is all about one person freely giving someone else the right to forcefully restrain them and, in many cases, subject them to intense sensory stimulation. In some cases, one person may even abdicate the right to make choices for them selves. The etymology of the word consensual stems from the word consensus which means in agreement. I tend to use the non standard form, consentual, in most of my writing and thoughts as it stems from the word consent. This is at the crux of all BDSM activities. The acronym BDSM combines bondage and discipline (B&D or B/D), dominance and submission (D&S or D/s), and sadism and masochism (S&M or S/M).

When the prerequisite for this kind of interaction is considered to be consent, it is hard to see where there can be a hazy area about what constitutes consent. Theoretically, if consent has not been given, BDSM interaction should not occur. This seems straight forward but the question arises over whether or not consent has been given. The line gets blurry on the idea of consensual non consent. This is where one person gives up the right to choose for themselves to another authority. Many fantasies are enacted through this idea. So how can you tell if the BDSM activity you are about to engage in is, in fact, consentual?

There are many levels of agreement, acknowledgement, and acceptance to be considered when deciding if consent has been given for the acts that are about to take place. If this interaction is about to take place between two or more individuals that have not had previous interaction in the manner and intensity of that being considered, one of the biggest steps that needs to happen is a detailed negotiation. Many people don't want to negotiate the interaction too much because they want the person receiving the actions to be surprised. Fear, anticipation, mental and emotional force, and resistance are all part of a successful interaction or scene for many. This does not mean that a detailed negotiation should be avoided, it just has to be carried out in a way that can assure consent is given for even unforeseen acts and circumstances. The art of instance or scene negotiation is beyond the scope of this post but, if requested, I can do a more detailed post on that.

If there is a history of BDSM interaction of the intensity and type being considered, parameters and limits should already be known. An opportunity to state any current limits that might not be know should be given to all involved. It is important to give an opportunity to refine parameters and limits each time. The only constant that a person can be certain of is change. Allow for this or you will find yourself involved in a scene or interaction where full consent was not knowingly or freely given. NEVER force consent. It must ALWAYS be freely given.

If consent is being considered for an extended period of time, negotiation is essential in defining the limits and extremes of the consent being given. A full understanding of how far and how long the consent is to be given for will go a long way in avoiding future misunderstanding and abuse. Spend the time filling in the details of the consent so that there is a clear understanding of where additional consent needs to be discussed.

If a person adheres to these ideas, they can be fairly secure in the knowledge that consent has been freely, and knowingly given. This lifestyle is something that is to happen between consenting adults. Make certain that ALL involved consent.