Hearing vs Listening

Over the years I have observed that a great many people don't make a distinction between hearing what someone is saying and listening to what someone is saying. I find that there is a very significant difference and can be valuable in understanding how this applies to a relationship.

Hearing is a passive event. Hearing is a matter of detecting sound waves and interpreting the physical effects of them as an noise that can be analyzed. This does not have to be consciously analyzed and will happen whether we think about it or not. Hearing is accomplished with the ears.

Listening is interactive. It requires focus and conscious analysis. Listening relies on hearing but happens outside of the ears. Listening relies on the ears but happens in the mind. This doesn't mean that what is listened to is comprehended but rather that the effort is made to understand and make sense of it.

I have been told by many people that they just need to "be heard" and seen a great deal of import in our society placed on "being heard". I believe that this is actually a misnomer as they are being heard. If our ears are functional and undamaged, we hear whether we choose to or not. We can, however, choose not to listen.

Thinking that hearing is the same as listening causes a great many problems in our world but no where more personal then in our relationships. If we don't listen to others involved in a relationship with us, how can we understand what their needs, motivation, drives, emotions, or thoughts are? In an M/s relationship, a Master is responsible for guiding a slave towards a goal that has been previously set. That could be ways of pleasing the Master or ways of enhancing the slaves distinct traits or personal goals. In order to accomplish this, the Master needs to know what is happening within the slaves mind, heart, and body so that a trajectory from where the slave is to attainment of the goal can be plotted. If the slave veers from the path, the Master needs to understand where the slave has veered to so that the slaves course may be corrected and they can be brought back onto the path. A Master is going to hear a slave whether or not they wish to but that won't necessarily help in guiding them back to where they need to be. Correct and effective guidance requires  Listening to the slave so that the Master can hope to understand the slaves position and present them with a correction that will help them achieve the desired goal.

As a Master, how many times have you told a slave, in great detail, what you would like them to do and then have them completely misunderstand what you asked for. This is from the slave hearing you but not listening. When they are not giving full attention to your instruction, the slave is apt to miss some words or meanings and then attempt to use their own. This leads to an inefficient use of time instructing as well as completing the given task. If the instruction was given as a course correction and heard but not listened to, the course will not be corrected and the process will have to be repeated. This happens from time to time naturally but can be dramatically minimized through understanding these concepts and working with them.

As a Master, learning the difference between hearing and listening can give dramatically better results with far less effort than randomly trying to adjust course or maintain a slave. Teaching a slave to listen rather than hear can dramatically decrease the amount of effort in guidance when they are always attempting to listen rather than just hear you. If they understand the difference and see that the Master is listening to them, they are unlikely to feel like they aren't "being heard".