I have heard many discussions over the years on whether or not there is equality in relationships and whether or not it is needed. At first I thought that this was a valid question. Many greatly respected people had asked it or commented on it. It seemed to be of great significance so I tried finding it.It took quite some time but I finally found that there is no such thing as equality in a relationship.....
I'm certain that this statement got some internal comments but it is true none the less. Relationships encompass a great many factors, emotions, functions, roles, and responsibilities. Given pieces of a relationship might be equal to another piece but, unless all parties involved in the relationship are clones of each other, all parties cannot be equal in all aspects and all pieces of the relationship. It is not possible. There will always be differences, and since it is a relationship, the way one person does something in relationship to others defines the relationship. The thought of equality in a relationship is and illusion. Both parties may have the same amount of to offer but the way they come together in one differentiates it from the other. They are not the same so they can't be equal but they can be of value.
Our society places so much import on being equal in a relationship that they overlook having a beneficial relationship. If a person realizes that it is impossible to be equals in a relationship then you can begin looking for someone that will benefit you in a relationship. Why get all caught up in who is making the decisions or choosing the path just so that you can make certain that you are equal. Let's face it. You are a person, the other people involved in the relationship are people. In that aspect you are equal and can never be otherwise. You can be called something other than a person but that doesn't make it so. A rose is a rose. By any other name it is still a rose. Focus on who does what best and on how you can get the greatest satisfaction out of what you are doing.
If you do not believe that your Dom/Domme or Master/Mistress is better at making decision than you are, why are you submitting to them? If you don't trust your leader to lead, why follow? If you are trying to go in one direction, why choose to have two navigators pointing in two different directions? It is not a matter of equality when it comes to a D/s or M/s relationship but rather trust and delegation. If someone is better at something than you are, let them do it. Find what your greatest value is in the relationship and do that. Looking for this actually applies to subs and slaves as well. If taking initiative is going to be detrimental to your relationship and you wish to remain in the relationship, it isn't beneficial to do things that you are not instructed to do. If this is what you desire then look to do what you have been instructed to do as good as you possibly can and this will add value to you part in the relationship. Don't worry about equality, focus on value. An apple is not equal to an orange but can be just as valuable to the right person.
Power Exchange relationships are not based on equality. They are based on direction. In a regular vanilla relationship, equal partners have two direction to follow and both are equal in weight, priority, and validity. This means that the relationship goes back and forth between two separate directions and only moves forward when both parties agree on the same direction. In a M/s relationship, only 1 person determines the direction and course that the relationship goes in. This allows for a very focused and straight path. If the dominant is good at selecting the path and keeping all parties focused on and working for this path, it can be an incredibly fulfilling process. It can eliminate the struggle and stress that comes from trying to make your path the one that is chosen and leave only the joy of working together on a unified path. In the end, don't we get involved in relationships so that we can join with another. Even vanilla relationships are about building a life together. Power Exchange relationships merely take the struggle out of it and allow a true coming together and joining of purpose. It seems to me that focusing on equality takes away from the idea of having a relationship and working together. It actually causes struggle. I tend to think that the idea of equality in a relationship is highly over rated.
