Power Exchange is merely a form of relationship that determines the direction and structure of decision making. In modern society a romantic relationship is supposed to be a partnership. This means that you have multiple people being responsible for decisions. Sometime the group goes in the direction of one partners choice and at other times it goes in the direction of the other partner. This is a multidirectional focus for the relationship. In a Power Exchange structure, one person makes the decisions for all parties involved and thus make for a unidirectional focus. Some tend to think that this means that other participants don't have a say and this is completely untrue. In some relationships this happens but that isn't a required, or encouraged, part of the structure. In fact, most long lasting and healthy Power Exchange relationships utilize discussion and input from all parties involved.
It is nice to have a community for people to look to for support especially when they are involved in what is considered an alternate lifestyle. That doesn't make their way the only way to practice some of the ideas that they have adopted. Unfortunately, a large percentage of the public BDSM community seem to think that they have to force everyone that has similar activities into doing things their way. This usually winds up centering around "Kink". It has always amazed me how judgmental people in an alternate, and frequently judged, lifestyle can be. How do they not see the hypocrisy in being judgmental?
I have heard many people talk about desiring a Power Exchange relationship but not enjoying pain OR bondage. In point of fact, many have no interest in ANY kind of kink, they merely desire to serve and be guided. There is a whole BDSM fetish devoted to the 1950's household (Obviously BEFORE BDSM was coined). To the best of my knowledge, the percentage of people practicing BDSM hasn't dropped from 100% in 1950 to less than 1% today. This tells me that there is a LOT more to the idea of a 1950's household than what is experienced through the confines of BDSM. Theoretically, someone could live this lifestyle without ANY kink at all. Now there's a shocking notion.
I responded to a posting in a group called Code d’ Odalisque the other day where a gentleman was expressing his joy in finding the group because he and his wife were not interested in pain and a lot of the other kinks involved in BDSM. Apparently he had found it difficult to find people to talk to and share ideas with because he didn't fit in to the kink side of things well. When they came across this idea and group, they knew immediately that they had found what they were seeking. I encouraged him to explore this new idea and vision and embrace it for what it could become for them. The fact that I desire a touch of sadomasochism in my relationship is irrelevant. The fact is, they don't and that is fine. There is a place for them and I was happy that they had found it.
All I'm trying to get at is that maybe, as a community, it is time for us to stop judging and begin encouraging. People don't have to be part of the community to deserve encouragement and support. Instead of trying to make them fit into the community, help them to find their own road. The more people learn to accept those that are different than themselves, the more freedom each of us will have to pursue our own beliefs, desires, and practices. If it is consensual, help them explore THEIR dream. As much as I enjoy some of the kinky aspects of this lifestyle, I have no wish to be DEFINED by it. I live my life the way I choose and aspects of the BDSM community fit into it but there is MUCH more to my life than that. I would love to encourage people to view their guidance through different eyes. Instead of trying to guide people into the community try using the assets of the community to guide them into an understanding of what they desire. Help them grow rather than helping them blend.
