Why do People Seek Equality in Releationships

I have heard many discussions over the years on whether or not there is equality in relationships and whether or not it is needed. At first I thought that this was a valid question. Many greatly respected people had asked it or commented on it. It seemed to be of great significance so I tried finding it.

It took quite some time but I finally found that there is no such thing as equality in a relationship.....

I'm certain that this statement got some internal comments but it is true none the less. Relationships encompass a great many factors, emotions, functions, roles, and responsibilities. Given pieces of a relationship might be equal to another piece but, unless all parties involved in the relationship are clones of each other, all parties cannot be equal in all aspects and all pieces of the relationship. It is not possible. There will always be differences, and since it is a relationship, the way one person does something in relationship to others defines the relationship. The thought of equality in a relationship is and illusion. Both parties may have the same amount of to offer but the way they come together in one differentiates it from the other. They are not the same so they can't be equal but they can be of value.

Our society places so much import on being equal in a relationship that they overlook having a beneficial relationship. If a person realizes that it is impossible to be equals in a relationship then you can begin looking for someone that will benefit you in a relationship. Why get all caught up in who is making the decisions or choosing the path just so that you can make certain that you are equal. Let's face it. You are a person, the other people involved in the relationship are people. In that aspect you are equal and can never be otherwise. You can be called something other than a person but that doesn't make it so. A rose is a rose. By any other name it is still a rose. Focus on who does what best and on how you can get the greatest satisfaction out of what you are doing.

If you do not believe that your Dom/Domme or Master/Mistress is better at making decision than you are, why are you submitting to them? If you don't trust your leader to lead, why follow? If you are trying to go in one direction, why choose to have two navigators pointing in two different directions? It is not a matter of equality when it comes to a D/s or M/s relationship but rather trust and delegation. If someone is better at something than you are, let them do it. Find what your greatest value is in the relationship and do that. Looking for this actually applies to subs and slaves as well. If taking initiative is going to be detrimental to your relationship and you wish to remain in the relationship, it isn't beneficial to do things that you are not instructed to do. If this is what you desire then look to do what you have been instructed to do as good as you possibly can and this will add value to you part in the relationship. Don't worry about equality, focus on value. An apple is not equal to an orange but can be just as valuable to the right person.

Power Exchange relationships are not based on equality. They are based on direction. In a regular vanilla relationship, equal partners have two direction to follow and both are equal in weight, priority, and validity. This means that the relationship goes back and forth between two separate directions and only moves forward when both parties agree on the same direction. In a M/s relationship, only 1 person determines the direction and course that the relationship goes in. This allows for a very focused and straight path. If the dominant is good at selecting the path and keeping all parties focused on and working for this path, it can be an incredibly fulfilling process. It can eliminate the struggle and stress that comes from trying to make your path the one that is chosen and leave only the joy of working together on a unified path. In the end, don't we get involved in relationships so that we can join with another. Even vanilla relationships are about building a life together. Power Exchange relationships merely take the struggle out of it and allow a true coming together and joining of purpose. It seems to me that focusing on equality takes away from the idea of having a relationship and working together. It actually causes struggle. I tend to think that the idea of equality in a relationship is highly over rated.

The History and Application of - Cupping

Cupping has a long history and can be traced back as far as 3000 B.C. It was a technique mentioned in The Papyrus Ebers, the oldest known medical book found in Egypt. In Greece, Hippocrates used cupping as a remedy for internal disease and structural problems. In western medicine cupping was considered one of the basic skills a doctor must know up until the end of the 19th century. It is still practiced by many homeopathic health practitioners and in traditional Chinese medicine as a method of applying acupressure.

Cupping is the practice of creating a low pressure area inside a cup that is sealed against a persons skin. The difference in pressure pulls the skin into the cup and draws blood flow to the area. There are many ways to accomplish this and they involve a number of fetishes and this is why it has gained some notoriety in the BDSM community. It was first introduced into the public BDSM and Kink community as an extension to fire play. The low pressure is created in the cup by heating the air inside the cup and then placing it on the skin. When the air cools, it creates a vacuum inside the cup. The next fetish group that was draw to this practice were those connected to blood play. Blood cupping is a form of blood letting and has gained a lot of popularity with this fetish group. A small incision is made in the skin and then the cupping is done over top which draws blood up into the cup. It has reached beyond these two groups and is now quite popular with anyone interested in sensation play or marking. Cupping can leave little red marks where the cups were placed that can last several hours all the way up to deep bruising caused by repeated application to the same area.

There are far too many aspects of cupping to cover in this one post so I will be focusing on vacuum pump cupping and fire cupping. Many look at this as a completely safe activity but keep in mind that it was a medical procedure long before it became a kink and can have many negative side effects and ramifications. First and foremost is it should not be done on pregnant women without a good understanding of acupressure as it can induce labor. Adhere to SSC (Safe Sane and Consensual) Practices and utilize RACK(Risk Aware Consensual Kink) practices. Understand the risks, discuss them with your partner, and make certain it is understood and consented to.

Mechanical vacuum cupping is probably the easiest and safest to get started with even though there is specific equipment that you will need. The first thing to know before you start is how to release the pressure. Most sets have a rapid release system. Be very familiar with it. Test it on gentle settings before you move on to more extreme play. This form of cupping can create far more vacuum than other systems. In a lot of cupping sets there are a number of different sizes of cups. They can be used on different parts of the body for different effects. Some of which can be quite painful. Some cups have pressure stimulating nodes that can allow the skin to be drawn up around them so that they apply pressure to a specific point while creating a vacuum all around the center. Some of these are metal and can also be used in conjunction with electro stimulation.

Fire cupping doesn't create as much suction but is much more dramatic to watch. This one is fraught with dangers though and a firm understanding of fire play techniques, safety, and protocol is highly recommended before you try this. Make absolutely certain that all of the dangers inherent to fire have been addressed before starting this procedure.

Instead of using a vacuum pump, a vacuum is created by air (heated by fire) in a glass cup placed flush against the recipients skin. As the air cools in the cup, a vacuum forms that pulls up on the skin, stimulating the desired effect. There are several ways of heating the air in the cup with fire:

1. One can swab rubbing alcohol (70% or 90%) into the bottom of a cup, then light it and place the cup immediately against the skin. By creating the seal the immediate loss of oxygen puts the fire out, preventing the person from being burned. The smaller the amount of alcohol, and the quicker the flame is extinguished by application of the cup, the better, so long as there is no risk of the cups falling off due to lack of a proper seal.
2.  One can hold the cup inverted over a flame (e.g. a lit candle), heating the air, then place the cup immediately against the skin. Care must be taken not to heat the glass itself. Even so, the person to whom the cup is applied will feel distinctly more heat than in the previous method.
3. One can ignite a flame with a small alcohol-soaked cotton wad resting on a small pad of leather or other insulating material that rests directly on the recipient's skin, then place the cup immediately over the flame, putting out the fire. The quickness with which the flame is extinguished depends on the size and shape of the cup.

Methods 1 and 2 heat the glass to some extent and have a risk of burning the recipient if not carefully executed. Method 3 risks the cotton falling off the insulating pad onto the recipient's skin, and leaves the pad and cotton wadding inside the adhering cup which could be considered cumbersome.
Baby oil massaged onto the skin first causes a better seal to form, making it possible to use this technique with less heating of the cup. It is often possible to slide the adhered cup around on the skin, preserving the suction seal as it glides. Care must be taken not to move the cup over protruding moles, skin tags, scabs, etc. This can prove to be an interesting sensation.

The longer a cup is left on, the more of a circular mark (like a hickey) is created. The skin pores are more open, and the patient may have a feeling like sunburn.  There are, of course, more techniques and ways to apply this. Which ever way you choose to play, make certain it is as safe as it can be made and that all risks have been assessed. Surprises with fire are never a good thing.

The History and Application of - Figging

Figging is a term unknown by many outside of the BDSM community. Even inside the community it is one of the least known forms of erotic play. For those that are aware of it though, the mere mention of it in a group draws Oooohs and Aaaahs. For those of you that aren't aware of what figging is, it is the insertion of peeled ginger root into the rectum. You might ask "why would some one do that?!!!?" before you think about the kind of people you are talking about. It is an intense experience and shouldn't be discarded or negated off hand. It isn't for the faint of heart but it is unique and frequently dramatic.

Figging didn't originate in the BDSM community though. Many have linked it back to Victorian corporal punishment as documented in many forms of literature of the times. It was used to encourage the relaxation of the buttocks during caning. It actually dates back beyond that and has origin in animal training techniques. There is a phrase still used in horse racing, "in full fig" which refers to a horse that has been given some form of additional stimulation. In the current times it is referring to drugs but originally it was a practice to insert ginger root into the anus of a horse to cause it to lift it's tail and step lively. It was called feague, to feague a horse, in the late 18th century and referred to by Francis Grose in his book Grose's Classical Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue. He described it as:


Feague
To feague a horse; to put ginger up a horse’s fundament, and formerly, as it is said, a live eel, to make him lively and carry his tail well; it is said, a forfeit is incurred by any horse-dealer’s servant, who shall shew a horse without first feaguing him. Feague is used, figuratively, for encouraging or spiriting one up.

It is hard to tell where it dates back from after this however. The etymology of the word is unclear. Old Dutch had fegōn which means "to cleanse". In German, fegen means to clean but in Proto-Germanic faginōnan means "to cleanse, make beautiful" which can certainly connect with the definition of feague. Icelandic also has the word fægja which means "to polish" and that could suit as well. In any case, the current version of what we do can be related back to animal husbandry.

As with any form of sadomasochistic play safety should be considered. I would always recommend that someone in this lifestyle, and especially those doing the actions, become familiar with the philosophies of SSC (Safe Sane and Consensual) and RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink) to help in being aware of all the risks and taking preventative measures to avoid unwanted damage or repercussions. Other that someone being overly careless with the insertion process, the only real thing to be aware of is that some people do have an allergic reaction to ginger. Be certain that the person receiving this isn't.

Now down to the fundamentals. First you need the ginger root. You can send your slave out to the grocery store to pick it out. I like the emotional torture that this brings. Ginger root has a number of tubers that resemble fingers. Because of this, it is sold as a hand. The piece that is chosen for this should have e section or finger that is at lease 4 inches long. The first time this is tried, I highly recommend using fresh ginger.

To prepare the ginger, choose the finger you wish to use and cut it off of the hand. Don't cut it at the joint, however, unless they are very long. You want the cut to extend into the hand. Try to make it alt least 4 inches long. Take a paring knife or vegetable peeler and remove the brown skin. Take care to remove all of the skin and smooth out any bumps or knots. Be careful to not remove too much of the meat as it will weaken the finger. Don't rush though this. Wash the root under cold water periodically to remove any loose skin.

Now comes the tricky part. Approximately 2/3 of the way down you need to carve out a section of the finger similar to a but plug. This will give the sphincter something to hold onto and keep the finger in place. Be careful with this as you don't want to cut away too much and weaken the finger but it has to be enough to hold on to. The concave ring that you create should be at least 1/2 in wide but you don't need to go very deep. It just has to be enough to hold it in place. If you cut away too much it will break off.

Now for the play. I find that the best position is to have the slave laying on their stomach with pillows to prop their hips and butt up. I like having them bound in this position but that, of course, is optional. Do NOT use lube. It will inhibit the sensations brought on by the ginger. Use cold water to keep the finger wet and take your time.

Be patient now. Take your time and begin to slowly insert the finger into the slaves anus. Don't rush it. Wet ginger has enough lubricant if you take your time. When the anus opens and begins to accept the finger, slowly slide it in up to the ring that you created. Let the sphincter close around it. The effect of the ginger builds so you have time to do this slowly. The effects aren't instant.

When it is in place, sit back and get prepared to enjoy the show or, as was popular in the Victorian era, begin your caning. Slave can become quite vocal as the effects of the ginger grow. If the ginger is decent the burning sensation can be pretty intense. Of course perception of pain is relative and there are a few slaves that don't find it overly intense. They are few and far between though. If you find the need, or just desire, to enhance the effects, I like to spend some time squeezing the butt cheeks together.

The effects of the ginger last about 20 min and ease off fairly rapidly. One of the nicest things about this procedure is that, no matter how intense the sensations for your slave can be, you will not cause damage to your slave by doing this. This is where I mention how to add additional sensation :D. Old ginger tends to lose it's potency so you always want to buy it as fresh as possible. However, if you have any fingers of adequate size left over, put them in a sealed plastic bag and put them in the vegetable drawer of your fridge for a couple of days. Check on them and if the bag has moisture in it and a little mold on the skin you are ready for fun. If not put it back in the fridge for a couple more days. Don't worry about the mold as you will be taking all of that off. The mold is harmless and doesn't penetrate the skin.

Peel and prepare the ginger as normal but when you play the result is going to be dramatically enhanced. Make certain to discard anything that is left over at this point.